Images

 

This is an image that I found when I googled bipolar.

It is accurate in the depiction of the hurt and pain that is experienced.

Even though I am okay today, 

when I see this image my pain comes to the surface,

and I remember...vividly.

   

Life is so unsure in my world.  Bipolar is only consistent in it's inconsistency.  I get tired of the balancing act; it is never ending.  Words that describe how it affects me:  anger, overwhelmed, sad, guilty, tiresome, frustrated, judged, crazy, lonely, intense, regret, depressed, highs and lows, endless tears, irritable, complete fatigue, impulsiveness, racing thoughts, insomnia, impatience, misunderstood, and a pain beyond any description I can give.  If you haven't lived it, you can't understand it. But a big thank you to those in my life who do try to understand the very best they can.  We enjoy the good days and just try to make it through the bad.  In spite of it all, I feel very blessed to have made it this far.  It would have been easy to quit many times.

 

I have used this image before and here it is again.  For some reason it just speaks to me.  Tears have ruled my life for too many years to count.  Last night I started a new book on mental illnesses and the unfairness of it all just hit full force and I couldn't stop crying.  I think that I can speak for all those who carry these burdens in saying,

"IT SUCKS."

(and I don't even use that word.)

Kudos to all those who suffer with it,

and kudos to those who suffer alongside of them 
with love and patience.
I love you Brent.

Quote

"A person can react in three different ways to a chronic illness.  The first is to give up.  The second is to fight the diagnosis continually, which leads to despair because you get nowhere.  The third road is to get active in your own behalf and take responsibilty for your well-being and your goals for the future."

Kathleen Lewis

Holiday Success

I am happy to report that my health was good this year for the holidays. I have had some years where I barely survived and pulled off Christmas by the skin of my teeth.  I always feel so bad for my family when I can't function well during such important and normally fun times of the year.  I think that my understanding of how to live successfully with Bipolar has contributed to my ability to stay well during happy but stressful times. I only do what I can, I get plenty of rest, and everyone in the family understands when I need help and pitches in.  I appreciate my family learning along with me how to help me live with a chronic illness. It has made all the difference for our entire family. Here are some random December pictures.

 

Go Boise State Broncos!  Brent always makes me laugh. BSU is playing in the Fiesta Bowl next week and we are so excited!  Too bad we aren't able to be there.

 

   

I love my tree and always hate it when it's time to take it down.

 

Bailey and her friend Canada at their Christmas dance recital.

  

I can't believe how fast she is growing up. Our baby is no longer a baby!  We will become grandparents this year so I guess it is time. Now there will be another baby for us to enjoy.  We are so excited but also feeling very old.  : )

 

Dani, Bailey and I were able to go to Salt Lake for my best friends daughters wedding.  I was worried about the weather and traveling with just us girls but we were lucky and the roads were clear.

  

Courtney & Adam

  

Dani and Courtney. They have been friends since they were toddlers.

  

Bailey and I.  Mistletoe fun!

  

Brent and Dani.  Two of the biggest clowns in our family!

Somethings wrong with this picture.  Shouldn't he be smiling?

Hooky-Bobbing at 1:30 in the morning.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So many times I am unable to join in fun times like this.  I am so grateful to have been a part of a memory that will last forever.