There are those times when as a parent you could not be more proud of your son or daughter. This is one of those times. Dustin has been through hell and back and is now willing to put himself out there so that he can possibly help others understand that there is hope. As hopeless as a situation can be, please remember to never give up on either yourself or someone that you love. It is one of my profound life lessons. If a year and a half ago someone had asked me if there was any chance for Dustin to recover enough to live a normal, healthy life and be able to function well as a contributing member of society, my answer would have been no. As much as I would try to even imagine it possibly happening, I just couldn't do it. There had been too many years of destruction, too many years of lies and manipulation, too many years of watching his addictions take away the Dustin that we had raised and loved. For years I carried a tremendous amount of guilt believing that as a mother I had failed my son. It took me a long time, too long, to understand and truly internalize that it was not my fault. Letting go of that emotional baggage was such a relief. It was truly a life changing experience and a profound lesson for me as a mother. We cannot control those we love, even as good and sincere as our intentions are, we cannot make them choose happiness. I didn't understand that and so I ran myself crazy trying to fix all the consequenses of Dustin's behavior, thinking that if I loved him enough I could turn things around. There is a fine line between loving someone, and enabling their destructive behavior, and it can be extremely hard distinguishing between the two. Brent saw it clearly long before I did. As soon as I was able to emotionally let go and turn the responsibility of his life and his agency back to Dustin, my ability to handle the stress that his addiction brought improved drastically. It was one of the hardest things I have ever done but one of the best decisions I could have made. Once we stopped trying to solve all the problems his choices were bringing and he had to face the full consequences of his actions, he had to literally choose life or death. He has told us that was the best thing we could have done for him and was the turning point of him choosing to get help. His battle is far from over but to see him reach the point that he is at now is absolute heaven. He was in his recovery program for 16 months and came out a truly changed man. He is back living his dream playing college baseball and this spring we get to watch him do one of the things he used to live for, and that has always been his one true love. I am thankful for the lessons that I have learned. I am thankful to know that I can love my children with every piece of my heart but my love can't and shouldn't control their choices. We are all blessed with the gift of agency. I misused my gift in the most sincere way a mother can by trying to control Dustin's God given gift. As good and as heartfelt as my actions were, they were wrong. I am thankful for a loving God who loves us enough to let us choose our way. He is always there ready to give us the help that we need when we are ready to turn our lives over to Him. Dustin could not have done this without understanding that he couldn't do it alone. The transformation in him over this past year and a half is nothing short of a miracle. I am thankful every day to have my son back.
Never give up.
Never lose hope.
Never stop praying for those you love.
