Idiot.

 An idiot's answer to the question, "To Stay or Not to Stay with a Bipolar Spouse."


"I am not a professional psychologist, and unless you are, I would highly suggest getting one on staff in your home if you are thinking of staying with a bipolar person.  They are waaaaaaaay too much to handle for the "normal" people.
I tried going to a group meeting for spouses and family of Bipolars and they are sad people living sad lives watching their Bipolar family members do destructive and hateful things, and yet they feel that they can't get out of it. 
Well I can!  We don't have any kids, and I am not going to waste another minute of my life trying to help someone that cannot or will not be helped!"


Thankfully I am married to a man who is as far from being an idiot as possible.  Sometimes I have no patience for people like this.  Actually, I never have patience for people like this.

Sleep Deprivation Stinks

One of the most difficult things to deal with is the lack of sleep due to the bipolar.  When my depression was so severe five years ago, I was sleeping most of the time.  As I have come out of that extreme low I have had continual issues with not getting enough rest.  I wish it was as simple as cutting out any caffeine intake. Without fail my brain will turn on in the middle of the night and I have no control after that.  Thoughts swirl through my head and will not shut off, that is if I am even able to get to sleep in the first place.  When my sleep cycle is at it's worst, I am up until five or six in the morning and then I have to get my eight hours or I am an emotional wreck.  My doctor calls it day/night reversal.  It seems to run it's cycle and will slowly correct itself, but only slightly.  Even in my best sleep place, I wake up every hour or so and have to try to get back to sleep.  I can't remember the last time I have had a solid seven to eight hours of rest.  I don't know how that feels anymore, to be completely rested.  The bummer is that even when I try to get rested and feel somewhat okay when I wake up, I then have to take my morning medication which has drowsiness as one of the side effects, so the yawning begins about thirty minutes after that. We have tried many so called sleep remedies and all sorts of medication but with no success. The prescription sleep aids actually made my mood cycling worse.So to all those who are able to sleep...may you rest in peace, as for me the day has just begun. 

Starry Night

 Vincent van Gogh (1853-1890) had an eccentric personality and unstable moods, suffered from recurrent psychotic episodes during the last 2 years of his extraordinary life, and committed suicide at the age of 37.  Don McLean wrote the song "Vincent" in memory of Van Gogh.  The words are very meaningful and I think those who suffer from mental illness can find a deeper meaning and understanding of his life.  Van Gogh painted Starry Night while in an asylum in Saint-Remy in 1889.
Listen to the song below.

Starry Starry Night

My Current Read

I find solace in reading books that help me understand answers to difficult questions, books that give me hope in times of darkness, and books that somehow bless me with light in the middle of my darkness.  This is a book my dad gave me today.  I am looking forward to reading it.  

The title draws me in.

 BUT IF NOT

WHEN BAD THINGS THREATEN TO DESTROY GOOD PEOPLE

 JOYCE AND DENNIS ASHTON

"Faith is something greater than ourselves that enables us to do what we said we would do.  To press forward when we are tired or hurt or afraid.  To keep going when the challenge seems overwhelming and the course is uncertain."

President Gordon B. Hinckley