bp magazine letter

bp magazine is a bipolar magazine I came across while volunteering at the Boise NAMI office.  I was on their online forum tonight and came across this post.  I thought it was worth sharing.
http://www.bphope.com/

"When I was in intensive outpatient therapy, in one of my groups I wrote a letter from my "better half" to my illness.  It was insightful, to say the least.  Recently I came across the letter, and my current therapist suggested that I write a response to my better half.  Here goes. . ."

Dear Vicious Sadness,

            You have made my life a living hell.  Day in and day out I feel your ugliness and it butts into my routine.  I have lost my freedom, some of my friends, and my job because of you.  In the past you were sometimes an inspiration for my artwork.  Recently I have lost that inspiration, so life with you is full of nothing but despair.  I would kill you if it didn’t mean killing myself.  I didn’t even realize I held this negativity until writing this letter forced me to face my demons.  I just wanted to say that I think I would be a better person without you.

Sincerely,

Your Better Half

Dear “Better Half”,

            The obvious thing to do would be to apologize for making your life miserable, but it would fall flat, and so this is not an apology letter, but rather a forum to get things off my chest.  When I decided to take a bottle of pills and just lie down to die, you were the one who saved me.  I thank you for that, because I never realized how much my death (and yours) would have destroyed my friends and family.  I also thank you for making me write in the diary that the paramedics found and passed on to the doctor.  It is because of you that I got the wake-up call and help that we both needed.  I find it sad that you think you would be better off without me.  I am a part of you, as much as you are a part of me.  I think that you appreciate life much more now that you have seen what happens when I rule over our brain.  Now that we take the right meds our brain is in balance, and although my creativity has been squashed, it is a small price to pay for (us) to be functional (dare I say happy?)  Now that mood swings, self-medicating, and near death experiences are behind us, I feel that we should come to some sort of truce.  I promise that, although I will be a part of your life until “death do us part,” I will do my best to simply hover in the shadows created by your shining light, as long as you promise not to kill me with drugs, alcohol,  or any other “negative” coping mechanism.

Love,

Vicious Sadness

 

Gov't Survey

"WASHINGTON – The government says 1 in 5 American adults suffered from mental illness during the past year. Most didn't receive treatment.
A survey being released Thursday by the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration found that 45 million experienced some form of mental illness in 2009, from major depression to more serious problems such as suicide attempts. Fewer than 4 in 10 received treatment for their mental health condition.
The survey found a strong link between mental health problems and alcoholism and drug abuse. Mental illness was also more likely among the unemployed, young adults and women. Overall, more than 8 million had serious thoughts of suicide, and 1 million tried to carry them out."


I feel so thankful that I was finally able to understand what was happening to me and get the medical help that I needed.  I am sad that so many people are suffering and go untreated.  The estimated percentages of people who have what they call co-occurring diagnosis (mental illness and substance abuse) are about 50%.  I am thankful to be in the percentage of those who have not turned to drugs and alcohol to self medicate, although I do personally know people that have.  I have to say that I understand why they turn to those substances to try and cope with the pain of mental illness, although all it does is compound the problems to an extreme degree.  I know that my knowledge of the gospel of Jesus Christ has been a foundation of hope and faith for me and has helped me have a deeper understanding of the trials that each one of us will experience.  If we turn to our Savior, all things can be for our good through his atoning sacrifice.  We need to have faith that this is true.  I can look back and see how this has come to pass in my own life and in the lives of my family.  We have learned from each experience and are able to use it to bless the lives of others through our compassion and service.  We are able to validate to others that what they are experiencing is real, that they are not crazy, and we can try to give them hope that things will get better.  My heart goes out to everyone who suffers with mental illness. It is a very difficult life for us and for those who love us.  Please have compassion and love for those who suffer.  We need your understanding and support.

Inspirational Video

Never Ever Give Up
(click on title to view video)