bp magazine letter

bp magazine is a bipolar magazine I came across while volunteering at the Boise NAMI office.  I was on their online forum tonight and came across this post.  I thought it was worth sharing.
http://www.bphope.com/

"When I was in intensive outpatient therapy, in one of my groups I wrote a letter from my "better half" to my illness.  It was insightful, to say the least.  Recently I came across the letter, and my current therapist suggested that I write a response to my better half.  Here goes. . ."

Dear Vicious Sadness,

            You have made my life a living hell.  Day in and day out I feel your ugliness and it butts into my routine.  I have lost my freedom, some of my friends, and my job because of you.  In the past you were sometimes an inspiration for my artwork.  Recently I have lost that inspiration, so life with you is full of nothing but despair.  I would kill you if it didn’t mean killing myself.  I didn’t even realize I held this negativity until writing this letter forced me to face my demons.  I just wanted to say that I think I would be a better person without you.

Sincerely,

Your Better Half

Dear “Better Half”,

            The obvious thing to do would be to apologize for making your life miserable, but it would fall flat, and so this is not an apology letter, but rather a forum to get things off my chest.  When I decided to take a bottle of pills and just lie down to die, you were the one who saved me.  I thank you for that, because I never realized how much my death (and yours) would have destroyed my friends and family.  I also thank you for making me write in the diary that the paramedics found and passed on to the doctor.  It is because of you that I got the wake-up call and help that we both needed.  I find it sad that you think you would be better off without me.  I am a part of you, as much as you are a part of me.  I think that you appreciate life much more now that you have seen what happens when I rule over our brain.  Now that we take the right meds our brain is in balance, and although my creativity has been squashed, it is a small price to pay for (us) to be functional (dare I say happy?)  Now that mood swings, self-medicating, and near death experiences are behind us, I feel that we should come to some sort of truce.  I promise that, although I will be a part of your life until “death do us part,” I will do my best to simply hover in the shadows created by your shining light, as long as you promise not to kill me with drugs, alcohol,  or any other “negative” coping mechanism.

Love,

Vicious Sadness