How Quickly I Fall...

When I was first diagnosed with severe clinical depression and generalized anxiety disorder in 2000, I went on a quest to find out all that I could about my condition. It was actually a relief to find out that I had an illness and that I wasn't just an innately bad and stupid person. The book "Your Erroneous Zones" was recommended to me by my first doctor. When I went to pick it up from the library, I misread the title and thought it was "Your Erogenous Zones" and I thought "What the heck! What kind of doctor am I going to!" I quickly realized my mistake and immediately checked out the book along with about twenty others. As I read about the ten common ways of distorted thinking and took the self exam, I found that I did every single one of them to some extent. Not very encouraging, although I have learned that the first step to changing something is recognizing that it needs to be changed. Since then I have realized that when I am my normal self I can more easily recognize when I am starting to fall into these patterns and correct my thought processes. However, when I am in my depressed and down state, all normal thought reasoning leaves immediately and I find myself back to square one. Everything that I have studied and learned goes out the window. It gets frustrating. Sunday I fell apart after a very hectic and stressful week. Even happy times can be overwhelming and exhausting. And so I crashed and suddenly everything in my life was wrong and hopeless. I hate feeling that way and I hate that it affects my family. So I have been holed up in my bedroom and I am waiting for the down to end. One positive- Brent pointed out that at least now when I am in this state I usually recognize what is happening and it doesn't feel as much like "truth" like it used to. It doesn't make the emotions any easier to deal with but it helps me hang on until the deceptive thoughts and emotions leave. I would highly recommend this book.




Ten forms of distorted thinking

"Distorted thinking results from making faulty conclusions about the outside world. What we say to ourselves or how we interpret situations may not be logical. Faulty conclusions lead to anxiety, pain or other negative emotions. When people interpret experiences more clearly, their attitudes improve. Distorted thinking is a habit that can be changed, but it takes practice."

1. All or Nothing -The tendency to see situations as either all black or white. There is no middle ground.

2. Overgeneralization -Drawing a conclusion based on a single event or small piece of evidence.

3. Filtering- We only see what we want to see in a situation. We filter out other parts.

4. Magnification - Making mountains out of molehills. Everything is a potential tragedy.

5. Labeling - Putting tags on people or situations that are one-sided. Stereotyping.

6. Jumping to Conclusions - Making snap judgments or assumptions based on incomplete evidence

7. Shoulds - Following an inflexible rule list about how the world "should" act.

8. Blaming - Always looking for blame either in yourself or others. Situations seem easier if you can blame someone.

9. Disqualifying - A person reverses a compliment so that it is perceived as an insult.

10. Mistake of Control - Feeling totally helpless or totally powerful in a given situation.



Amazingly, this photo was taken right before I crashed. It is always surprising how fast I fall. I will just wait this one out...