Blind, Deaf, and Dumb

i am blind.
sinister clouds obscure my vision
and i cannot see even a glimmer of light
past the thick darkness
that wedges up my path.

i am deaf.
trembling palms conceal my ears
and i realize that they are my own.
i cannot hear any words of comfort,
any expressions of love;
the thundering in my head roars too loudly.

i am dumb.
my mouth is bound with tape
that is invisible to the naked eye.
i cannot say the unspeakable,
for voicing my fears
would only give them life.

i am immobilized and restrained
by the tormentors within.
the infirmities of my mind
will never surrender to my desires-
my handicap is for life.
it is winter year round here
and the coldness that covers my world
leaves me gasping for breath.
does acceptance come only on
others terms, on others conditions?
does unconditional love exist
beyond the written word?
i have found that the conditions implied
are too immense for me.
i have waged my war in vain.
i now surrender to my nothingness.

i am blind, deaf, and dumb.

dina marie
april 2006